Stigmatised
by donotsrock
Summary: Stream of Consciousness: Hermione on her life, and a certain Professor. PG because of mentioning some things a teacher and his student shouldn't do. One shot.


**Stigmatised**

By donotsrock

A/N: IMPORTANT! This was written in the middle of the night, and I know I'm completely mad. However, I want you to note that this is stream of consciousness, meaning that there are repititions, strange associations and sometimes it doesn't make much sense. It's just what Hermione feels and thinks at breakfast one morning. I tend to think that it does get clearer, but if not – don't hate me. Review to tell me what you think. Flamers will – as usual – be ignored.

A/N2: This story was beta-ed by Daniel (no, not my brother – in case you were wondering, Stephanie - but a friend of mine from university). He has no clue what fanfiction is, and was confused by the story. He was the one who pointed out I'd better tell you it's stream of consciousness…

Stigmatised

By donotsrock

_If I give up on you I give up on me_

_If we fight what's true, will we ever be_

_Even God himself and the faith I knew_

_Shouldn't hold me back, shouldn't keep me from you_

It has been going on for ages. Or at least it feels this way. I've lost count. All the times we met in secret, shared kisses and more in abandoned classrooms and empty corners, hidden from everyone's eyes. Of course – we couldn't risk being seen. What would they say – a student (the best one) and her professor (the greasy git). What an outrageous scandal! 

They wouldn't understand. They can't. I don't understand it myself. But I can't give up either. I love you, you know. Maybe I didn't say it. But I feel it. And you know it. But you also know that it can't be. Not in this life. Not ever. Not legally, and not in the open. No one would understand. They would only see our differences: Gryffindor – Slytherin; student – teacher; eighteen – thirty-eight, to name the most obvious ones. But would they see the similarities? I doubt it. They couldn't possibly understand what I love about you. 

I do understand why everyone would be shocked. And I understand why you wanted to end this. Why you stopped seeing me, stopped kissing me, stopped loving me. But did you? I can see the way you look at me, sometimes, when no one else is around to catch you staring. I can see the way you stare off into space, and you look hurt. Incomplete. 

I curse myself for not going to you, for not comforting you, for not holding you. For not… doing what I should do. I should damn them all. Ignore what they would think, ignore what's considered right and wrong and just do what I want. 

But I don't. And I hate me for it. I try to forget you, and everything you mean to me. It's hard. I can do it. I can forget. I'm young, and my future lies before me. Nothing is bound to happen, yet everything is. I could fall in love with someone else tomorrow, or I could love you forever. I don't want to think about it. But thinking about it I realise that my life happens _now_, and that I my future is not determined by anyone but me. 

I watch you. Every day I watch you. I can't stop thinking about you. You've marked me for life and I'm a prisoner in the prison that is your eyes. Dark and deep, beautiful and true. They tell me the truth, even if your mouth says something entirely different. They say you love me, and will never stop loving me. They tell me that you crave my touch and long for me when you lie awake at night. When I look into your eyes I see myself in them. They are the mirror of my own emotions. They reflect every single feeling, and I know it's no use saying we don't feel this way. Because we do, and always will. If we deny it now, we'll never be happy again (and I was happy with you). My life would stop there. I've merely exist from the point our ways parted. I don't want to merely exist in my future. I want to live!

I've made up my mind. One way or another, I _will_ live. Nothing can keep me from loving you. No spell, no hex, no shocked and disappointed friends, no laws and no denying it will ever make me stop loving you. Your mere presence makes me nearly swoon. I can't stand to (physically) be with you and yet to (emotionally) be so far away from you. 

You just have to believe me. It will be alright. I will fight for our love, every day. I will find a way to make them understand. 

Yes, you've marked me for eternity, and I bear this mark proudly. You – you've been marked before. But I believe in you. My mark will be stronger. We can make it. We may be worlds apart, but together we can make it. We will live our lives as one live, and we'll make it. 

I'm certain now. I walk up to you, one fine morning, and everybody stares at me. I don't care. You realise that I'm heading in your direction, but you do not leave. You stay, and it gives me a feeling of confidence. 

I swallow hard and step forward, holding out a hand. You look at it, and then our eyes lock. The world around disappears, and all that matters is two pairs of eyes, and my hand, outstretched, waiting for yours to join it. 

"I believe in you." My voice is shrill, and I sound every bit as nervous as I am. Take it, I pray and hope. Take it. 

Slowly, you reach out. 

Our fingers touch, for everyone to see. We belong together. Forever. 

We are one, we are marked by the other, claimed. Obsessed. 

Your eyes never leave mine, and suddenly, my future is outlined clearly. It all makes sense now. 

Then you speak, and your eyes mirror mine, just as your thoughts and emotions mirror mine. We feel the same. 

"Stigmatised."

A/N3: Boy, if I keep it up with the Author's Notes, they'll be longer than the story in no time. But I wanted to say this nevertheless. Reviews are appreciated, as always. 

The lyrics are from The Calling's song "Stigmatized", and I only borrowed them. No money is being made etc, etc, etc.

Harry Potter (and Hermione and Severus) belong to JKR. It's all hers, I own nothing, sue me if you want, I don't have anything. I don't make money out of it either. 

And, as it is Dec. 24th today: Happy Christmas. Or Hanukkah. Or whatever. Just have a few nice days. 

donotsrock


End file.
